


if my wishes came true

by dancingpineapples



Series: ten years slipped away into a moment in time [2]
Category: SPY x FAMILY (Manga)
Genre: Agent Midnight, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad ending Au, Timeskip, loid 'for the misshun' forger sucks, twilight is a soft boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:15:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28233777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingpineapples/pseuds/dancingpineapples
Summary: sentimentality always leads to a person's downfall. twilight is no different. even ten years later, he still cares, even if he can't really explain it to himself.
Relationships: Anya Forger & Loid Forger | Twilight & Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess
Series: ten years slipped away into a moment in time [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068272
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	if my wishes came true

**Author's Note:**

> ty blu and arthur for inspiring this. shoutout to snoos for inventing midnight. thank u to taylor for writing the lines if my wishes came true, it wouldve been you.

The extraction plan is simple enough. Fake car accident, two bodies in the car, it’s enough to not only convince Yor and Anya he was dead, but also kill any remaining affection they might have had for him. It’s clean and straightforward, and just as they bury his “body”, Twilight hopes they also bury any feelings they might have had as well. 

There’s the momentary regret, the what-ifs, but he’s used to forgetting and compartmentalizing. He likens it to a safety deposit box in his heart. There are certain memories Twilight keeps locked away- the last lullaby his mother sang to him, his first commendation at WISE, the first time at Anya says “I love you”, when Yor tells him she’s glad to have married him, it’s a short list. In his few moments of weakness, he’ll let himself bask in the memories before locking them back up and returning the key. 

When Sylvia tells him that when another undercover agent made their way into the upper ranks of the National Unity Party (an accidental miracle, somehow), a reconnaissance team found an opening to bug Desmond’s personal home. He’s given the option to continue with Operation Strix or abandon it. WISE is confident in their new sources, and Twilight’s skills would be better put to use in other missions.

He agrees. 

He gets assigned to a new mission almost immediately, and for once, he looks forward to it. There’s no more juggling act, no more mental to-do lists. Twilight didn’t have to worry about groceries, meal prepping, laundry, all he needed to focus on was the mission at hand. And he welcomed it. Being a spy was all about the balancing act, but a man could only juggle so much before he started dropping things. He wasn’t an idiot either. Twilight could sense himself getting comfortable, and the line between mission and family started to overlap in a way he couldn’t justify anymore. Any more time in Operation Strix, and he doesn’t think he would be able to confidently walk away from Anya and Yor.

Walking away is a blessing and a curse. Twilight is not a family man in the way Loid Forger is. There are times where he was truly amazed at the apparently endless well of patience he had for both of Them. At the same time, Twilight can be (is) overly sentimental. Things that Loid Forger would have taken for granted meant the world to him. By throwing away his name and face, he’s agreed to forgo a conventional family with a doting wife and loving daughter, so he comes to treasure the little things a little more than he shows. After all, when again, in his lifetime, would he get to experience being a loved father and husband?

He was back in Westalia when he received the first of many reprimands. It’s a coded message, hastily stuck in his morning newspaper. It’s simple and succinct and Twilight knows instantly who it’s from. 

_ I’m disappointed.  _

He refused to dignify it with a response. It was their age old disagreement. His old mentor always argued he was young, he deserved better, he deserved happiness. Midnight was convinced that with Anya and Yor, Twilight could finally break down his walls and put down the mantle he had been carrying for too long. 

Ten years is a long time to leave a family behind. It’s five times as long as the time he spent in Operation Strix, and since then, he’d never had an undercover mission last as long. Just when he’s on the brink of forgetting, of moving on, something accidentally triggers the vague reminiscing again. It could be anything— from a crowd of laughing schoolchildren at a bus stop to recognizing the scent of shampoo in an enclosed space. He hates that his heart still jumps at every forced recollection. 

When did you get so soft, Twilight? He asks himself. 

The coded messages don’t stop either, over the years. 

_ I taught you better.  _

_ I was there the other month, they’re doing well. The little one’s so tall now.  _

_ They look like a happy family.  _

_ That could’ve been yours.  _

The last one stings. For at least some time, it had been his. His happy family, a safe bubble where he could forget everything wrong with the world. 

_ You should go see them.  _

Twilight rereads that one. Several times. Before burning it. 

He’s back in Berlint. He’d only been back once in the last ten years, and it was for a brief midnight retrieval mission. He had contemplated seeing them then, but the smarter part of his brain fought the urge. 

This time, maybe it’s his age, a midlife crisis, or the messages just getting to him, when he makes one of the top ten riskiest decisions he’s ever made. He doesn’t breathe a word of this to anyone, because he knows everyone (except maybe one person) would talk him out of this, but he’s so tired. He’s tired of dancing around his feelings, of pretending he doesn’t have regrets. At the end of the day, Twilight is just a man.

Maybe this is a career destroying move, but a career doesn’t keep you warm at night. 

After completing his mission, it’s simple enough to find Yor. She still worked at City Hall. A quick bump, and he plants a bug on her. He initially planned to just plant the bug and hear their voices for the first time in a long time when his natural inquisitiveness kicks in. It would be so easy for him to see their apartment (address already stamped into his brain) and then disappear once again, probably forever. He keeps that thought in the back of head.

As he listens in on what appears to be a meeting with Anya’s teacher, he is violently confronted, again, with the reality he left them, as he hears her offer Yor her condolences. Twilight had never meant to make their lives difficult. If anything, this was him trying to protect them from his gruesome reality as a spy.

Once he heard the meeting wrapping up, he made his way to their apartment. It was in a different part of Berlint. Not as nice as where their apartment had been, but it was still safe, family oriented, and if anything, something about it felt more genuine and less showy. Perhaps, much like Yor herself. He feels like an intruder walking through their space, looking at the framed pictures covering the walls. There are various photographs of memories without him- Anya’s school ceremonies, birthdays, Christmases, summer trips with Uncle Yuri. As he’s about to leave the way he came in (through the window), his eyes spot another frame tucked away on the top shelf of the bookcase, out of sight, but still present. 

He picked it up and his breath got caught in his throat. The frame contains one of few family photographs they ever took- the three of them, shortly after Anya was accepted into Eden. He smiled subconsciously, lost in the thought, overcome by remembering, when suddenly he hears the turn of a doorknob.

Looking back, Twilight knew, without a doubt, he would have been able to leave before the door opened, but something stops him from running away. 

He’s tired of running. 

Twilight is a man who can determine multiple outcomes to a situation almost instantaneously, knowing without a doubt this is a terrible idea, and yet here he is, framed family picture in hand and heart in another. 

He doesn’t remember the first words he says to them after ten years.

**Author's Note:**

> twilight/loid is hard to write. this was a struggle bus bc i wasnt sure what characterization of him would be closest to accurate. i imagine twi and loid are really two sides of the same coin, what loid lacks, twi has in abundance and what twi lacks, loid makes up for. but at the end of the day, twi is immensely jealous of loid forger. it’s not exactly a rational kind of jealousy (being jealous of yourself), but loid gets to be loved and vulnerable in ways that twi can only dream of. poor bby twi. anyways i’m confident there’s like 1 more solid part coming and maybe an epilogue? ? idk maybe if taylor drops another album-


End file.
